I'm Going to Get all Mushy Momma on You

Yesterday, Luke turned one.

That's impossible.

How could that little, squeaky babe they sank into my arms be one? It's so strange to even think of that moment--seemingly forever and yesterday ago.

We celebrated with my family in Minnesota on Saturday, but spent 90% of his actual birthday (Easter/20th) in the car + airplane. By the time we got home, he had a little fever and wasn't quite himself. We gave him a little something to help him feel better and got him ready for bed. But since he didn't feel well, he was fussy and restless. So, I scooped him up and rocked him until he was drowsy and just about to sleep. Since we don't normally do this, I didn't mind having an excuse to snuggle with him, feel his fluffy hair, and watch his warm body relax.

And as I sat there with him, I cried. Not really sad tears, but this overwhelming feeling just pounced on me--gratefulness, sweetness, and love rolled into a giant emotion. Just a year before, I tucked his tiny feet under mine and did the same thing. And although he was placed in the NICU about 24 hours after he was born, we spent that first night snuggling and taking him.

Now, a year later, I can't help but just feel all around mushy and sentimental about this past year. Little snippets come to me--the feel of baby breath on my neck while he napped on my chest, coaxing out his first giggles, watching his eyes explore new things, helping his take his first steps, observing his little personality unravel, scooping food into his eager mouth, feeling his weight against me while we read book after book, watching his hands curl over my fingers and grab my face while he nursed, and so many other tiny memories.

This year hasn't been without hard things--his first week of life in the NICU, learning how to mother, pushing through the first difficult weeks of nursing, learning to let go of much of my time, ironing out things in our marriage that came out during this huge transition, and so much more.

But--my sweet Luke is worth every hard thing and will continue to be worth it.

And even though I kinda want to go "wahahahahahaaaa" and wish that Luke just stays my little babe forever, I know that better things are coming.

So, Happy Birthday to my sweet boy--my little Luke.

I love you so.