Well, I sure do.
Recently, I've felt like I've been in a little bit of rut. I feel like life hasn't looked "normal" (aka routine or tidy) in months. Between moving, travel, and suddenly having this busy, moving toddler, I feel like so many things are new and fun, but they are also disorganized and chaotic.
It doesn't help that we are still eating around our bitty patio table and walking around on the plywood subfloor in the kitchen. Even though those are external things, it starts to stir up a lot of internal messiness in me.
I get all grumbly and complainy when I'm tired of cooking meals in a very chaotic kitchen with about 2 square feet of counter space. And then when I have to hike myself outside to wash my pots and pans, I really feel the orneriness rise up in me.
I just want things done. And clean. And, yada yada...
And then I just start wishing for a house with a big, finished kitchen and quartz countertops and a huge island. And then envy and discontentment rise their ugly heads. Truth is, I don't really even need all of that--but I feel like I want it because it just seems so much simpler than what is actually staring me in the face.
Not only is house stuff feeling messy for me, but other circumstances that have been a little disappointing for me lately--such as not being able to go the Influence Conference.
I put all kinds of little hopes and desires into this weekend, but our budget simply didn't cover the extra costs of conference. A few months ago, it looked promising, but then extra costs came up with our dog and the house and depleted any extra we had for me to go.
And even though it was so fun to give away a conference ticket, it was hard for me to give something that I really wanted to keep. I felt like I had worked so hard to make enough to go that the reality that it hadn't worked out really felt bitter and disappointing. Honestly, for a few days, I felt kinda blah because it felt like such a failure.
It's so easy to let the messy parts my heart clutter up the truth. The truth is that God is for me. He created me with a purpose. He does have good plans for me that often look different than the ones I create. He knows me intimately. I am significant to Him.
So, today, even if it's easy to let the mess overwhelm me, I want the truth (not the lies) to determine my attitude.
Thanks for letting me air a bit of my dirty laundry ;) And thank goodness for new days and a God who shows us mercy each and every day!