One of the strangest things to me about motherhood is how it's hard, good, challenging, sweet, sacrificing, sanctifying, joyful, and a whole lot of other adjectives tied into one package--often such juxtapositions on one another.
When Josh started working at his new job a few weeks ago, we decided that I would stay at home full-time. Before, I was working part-time (which was both good + challenging for me as a new momma). Honestly, this transition into staying at home full-time has been a little harder than I anticipated. While working, I had to get myself put together, be more structured with my time, and had "adult-time" on most days. Now, I find that the days are longer and less structured. And since Luke's conversation consists of "dadada" and "bbbbb," it's kinda hard to have a deep conversation with the little guy ;)
Often, I feel the weight of the same tasks repeated. Dishes washed and put away. Folding little socks and pants. Put in another load of laundry. Watch Luke babble and play with his books. Nurse him. Observe him eating like a wild animal (he devours his food!). Tidy up. Go on a short walk. Tell the pup to leave Luke alone.
But, then, there are those moments that break in like sunlight. Little hands rubbing my arms as I snuggle with him before nap. Observing how the sunlight makes his eyes bright. Capturing his smile as he zooms up to me in his little car. Watching his pudgy hands and observant eyes explore his books. Soaking in his generous smiles. Giggling with him as I zip him up in his little sleeping bag before nap.
But whether I am once again doing the same old repetitive task that I tired of doing or soaking in one of the sweet moments, I am so ridiculously thankful for the chance to be Luke's mom--so, so thankful for the sunshine he brings to our little life's adventure.
Do you ever feel these things as a mom? Those juxspositions of emotions?