Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Do you Believe It?
He leans over as he has many, many times and tells me that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
And I don't really believe it.
It's not that I don't trust my husband or think that he believes that I am beautiful, but I resist really accepting his words. I struggle to not shrug it off and believe the opposite.
I often think about how much more I could and should be. I let his words slide off of me because I don't believe that I am really enough. I think, "um..., Josh, didn't you see that girl on the commercial? Haven't you noticed my post-baby belly? Did you know it's 100% possible that I will never have a normal looking belly again? Can't you see that I haven't even showered today and I have baby food on my shirt? You really like both of my chins?"
And, honestly, I'm bothered by my response to my husband's words and tenderness towards me--the words he whispers to tell me that I am treasured, valued, and beautiful.
I am also bothered by it because my husband is not the only one whispering these words to me--God is too.
God says in his Word that I am beloved, I am treasured, and that He knit me and knew me in the womb.
Even though I want to wrap myself around those words of freedom and love, I often tether myself to shame and discontent with who I am.
You know what? I'm praying for God's help in untethering me from all those lies. I'm praying that my response to my husband's sweet words is acceptance rather than tossing them aside. I'm praying that I really believe that God planned me out--and wonderfully made me. And you know what? I'm nowhere near having any of this figured out.
Maybe you sit here today like me and wonder why believing that we have value and beauty is hard for us grasp? But my question for you and me is this:
What if we really believed it? What if we knew our value + beauty in God's eyes more than we knew our shame and ugliness? What if we really accepted other's kind words about not only our outward appearance but also who we are?