Slow Saturday Morning + Soul Talk
This morning, I pulled myself out of my warm, cozy bed at 5am when I heard Luke babbling and fussing in crib. It's been a few mornings since he's woken up at this time, so I'm a little surprised to hear him. I get up, give him a little snack, and then put him back to bed.
But when I get myself situated back into bed, sleep is elusive. I think about all the life changes that are suddenly at our door, all the decisions that will need to be made soon, and I feel so many emotions at once.
Believe me, 5 am is not the time that I want to be organizing all my thoughts and feelings. Everything feels like too much, too hard, and too real. Eventually, I quiet my roaring mind with prayer (isn't it funny how quickly prayer dissolves so much of the noise?) and fall back into a light sleep.
Luke stirred again a little after 7, Josh gave our hungry bear his breakfast, and I spent some time closing my eyes under our warm covers. I was tired, groggy, and wishing for more sleep, but I felt so much better than I had just hours before.
Luke and Josh eventually came back into the room, and we all spent some time hanging out on the bed--us, sipping our warm coffee and Luke slobbering all over his toys and making us smile with his antics.
Soon, it was time for Luke's morning nap. I read him a few books--enjoying the feel of his fuzzy hair under my chin while he sat on my lap and the feel of a cozy blanket wrapped around both of us. I put him down after a few books, he, of course, babbled for a few minutes but then was out. Since I didn't shower yesterday, I took a hot shower and let the water wake me up.
After showering and snacking on some food for breakfast, I returned to our bed and read. I thought about the laundry, the unswept floors, and the tidying up I could be doing. But, I chose to let the morning unravel slowly and just enjoy my book and my warm coffee.
It was what I needed. Because, honestly, so much of life right now is fuzzy, undecided, and a bit overwhelming. I have stored up so many hopes and expectations for this next phase of life (such as moving, or buying a house, or having a new adventure + change in our life), and I hold onto them tightly. Too tightly.
So, when it unravels, I become a hot mess. Discontentment rears its head. Emotions override truth. And I feel so afraid and unsure of what's to come.
I have a choice when I am in this place -- a choice to let all these things determine my attitude or to let go and trust God. He knows. He knows what comes before and behind me. He knows my little hopes. He is always with me. He sustains me. He works in me.
I'd like to tell you that all these promises are at the forefront of my mind. Really, they are usually buried under the mess of emotions, ideas, and thoughts that I heap up in there.
But mornings like these bring hope + light. And such gratitude that God is with me and knows. HE KNOWS.
Are you thankful for new days + new perspectives? And a God who sees and knows you?