Is this the best way for us?
(he looks pretty excited ;)...this is his mid-morning slump look)
For example, I question whether to get him on more of a schedule or let him be. Do I let him fuss in his crib or snuggle him until he's just about asleep? I hear voices from all sides--sleep train him, don't sleep train him, do whatever works best for you.
But as a new mom, I'm not always sure what works best. So, I try something and see how it fits. Does this feel comfortable?
(this darn dog is not allowed on the bed, but he always tries...)
So, today, I snuggled my wee one and set him in his crib. He whimpered a little, but I gave him some time. After a few minutes, he started to fuss. So, I entered in, gave him a paci (which he sometimes takes and sometimes doesn't), and he held fast unto my finger. I let him grasp my finger for a few moments and then I let go. I stood there, over him, and watched his body relax deeper and deeper into sleep.
And, for now, he's asleep ;)
But, even now, while he's snoozing away, I wonder if I did the right thing. Did I comfort him enough? Too much? What if I create a slew of bad sleeping habits?
And I have to stop myself in that moment. In those moments.
I have to remember that I am equipped by my Creator to mother him. To know him. I want to consider what others have to say and listen to their wisdom. At the same time, I don't want to live in the sea of self-doubt and question every decision because someone will disagree with it.
Parenting, I've decided, is not the easiest role for peacemakers. It's impossible for all sides to agree with you about each decision you've been. And that's hard for me as a peacemaker and people pleaser. I want everyone to think I'm doing it right or validate my decisions.
Honestly, that's not possible.
So, today, I'm reminding myself to give myself grace and time to learn and to grow in confidence as a mother. And to remember that I don't have to have it all figured out. Today, I can go squeeze and love on my little man and that is enough. And instead of wondering if I should let him fall asleep while he clutches my finger, I want to enjoy the sweetness of that moment. I don't want to miss out on those moments because I'm always worried if I'm doing it the best way (also...can I remind myself here that there is no perfect way raise a child). If I'm not careful, worry will steal so much of my joy of being a mom.
(onesie is from Nose to Toes)
And I want to fully enjoy mothering my little guy.
Goodness, he's got my heart.