First of all, this baby was not unexpected, but it still took me by surprise.
After being about a week late for you-know-what, I finally had the nerve to take the test. I was pretty sure at this point that I was pregnant, but I knew that test would make it final.
And I would have to ween off my habit of two cups of coffee each morning.
I took the test, and within seconds, two little lines appeared.
Honestly, I'm not sure how I felt. It was an unfamiliar feeling--both positive and negative feeling shoved into this strange emotion. Happiness/Nerves. Joy/Fear. This is so weird/This is so cool. I'm going to get fat/Yay! Baby belly :)
I told Josh after I took the test, and he was definitely excited. But, I think that we were both excited and nervous as the same time.
The first few weeks were long.
Honestly, they were full of a lot of fear. I'll tell you about that soon.
Since I didn't feel pregnant at all for the first few weeks, it was hard for me to connect that I was really growing a baby. Also, it made me question if everything was alright.
At about week 7, I started to feel a bit queasy if I didn't eat, tired, and honestly, totally unmotivated.
I wanted to do nothing. I had no desire to create, to write, to blog, to clean, to cook, or really anything but lay on the couch and watch "How I Met your Mother."
My biggest pregnancy symptom was probably laziness. I.did.nothing!
At 9 weeks, I had my first prenatal visit and was expectant and nervous.
When I heard and saw that little heartbeat, I felt such relief. Such joy. I felt more comfortable telling others about this little life even though (even now!) it's hard for me to believe that a little one is growing inside of me!
By 11 weeks, some of my motivation began to return and the chunkiness began.
(I'm pretty sure that's just a food baby...haha!)
We had my 13 week appointment last week and heard a strong heartbeat (160) and even got to see a little ultrasound of the baby flipping and flailing about.
Honestly, I think it's still sinking in that a little one is growing inside of me. I feel totally undeserving of this little life, yet I know that it is a gift. Even if something goes terrible wrong, this baby is gift. If everything goes perfectly right, this baby is gift.
And I am thankful :)